He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
