I'm really into asian looking animals
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
