do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
