I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
