I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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