Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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