I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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