I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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