I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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