Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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