So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
