Betty ford says i'm here all night
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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