Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
