wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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