I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
