Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
