if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
