Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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