I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
