My room smells like vodka and shame
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
