i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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