I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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