i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
