my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
love makes seman taste better
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
