It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
