You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
