I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
