for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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