The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
