Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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