i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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