your parents love me but you hate me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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