awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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