i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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