Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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