What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
