Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
