Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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