now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
