I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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