DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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