so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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