wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
