i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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