Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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