If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
