textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
