then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
