It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
