6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
