why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
