My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
