I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
