i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
