Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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