She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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