I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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