On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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