and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
