4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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