Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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