so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
