I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
