Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
