need another drink. this is the easiest way
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
