wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
