i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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