I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The beer is more important than you right now.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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