Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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