What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
