Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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