Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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