Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
