Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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