Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
