i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
